~ cueing up the show ~
~ pulling every episode ~
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel — Every episode — OmList
om
list
Swipe
Tournament
Lists
Friends
All
Movies
TV
Books
Games
Music
Podcasts
People
▾
Sign in
Every episode
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
30 episodes
Can I Be Loved?
Ep 6 · Aug 17, 2026 · 37 min
A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents' sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you…
Am I Being Gaslit?
Ep 5 · Aug 10, 2026 · 36 min
In this classic Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice mem…
I Love My Partner, So Why Can’t I Let Go of My Ex?
Ep 4 · Aug 3, 2026 · 51 min
What is the distinction between a love story and a life story? And what happens when they no longer move in the same direction? After returning to the Philippines to reconnect with a former partner she never fully let go of, one caller finds herself overwhelmed by grief, longing, and the fear of saying goodbye. Esther helps her untangle the relationship from the life it once represented and explore why some goodbyes are harder than others. What does it mean to hold onto someone with love without…
Burdens of the Family
Ep 3 · Jul 27, 2026 · 42 min
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing and family trauma. Their marriage was seen as taboo and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their storie…
Is Using ChatGPT Hurting My Relationship?
Ep 2 · Jul 20, 2026 · 52 min
She comes to Esther with a question that feels distinctly of this moment: when does a tool become a transgression? After leaving a long, stable marriage, she finds herself in a new relationship marked by intense highs and low lows. She turns to AI, using it as a real-time coach to navigate arguments and break painful communication loops. She shows up differently, and the relationship begins to shift. But as the dust settles, a new question emerges. What does it mean to rely on something your par…
You Slept With My Best Friend
Ep 1 · Jul 13, 2026 · 54 min
The two couples had been inseparable—neighbors, chosen family, godparents to each other's children. She reaches out to Esther in despair after discovering that her husband had a ten-year-old affair with her best friend. For a decade, he kept the betrayal hidden while she believed they had built a loving marriage and family. Now she's left questioning whether any of it was real. They both want to stay together, but she's trapped in doubt and grief, while he's desperate to repair what he's broken.…
My Hero Complex
Ep 49 · Jun 29, 2026 · 40 min
When his ex calls in the middle of a crisis, he finds himself pulled back into a familiar role: the rescuer. He's always been the one women confide in, the one who steps up, the one who proves he's a good man by making sure no one falls apart on his watch. It’s a hero complex he wears easily. If he’s needed, he feels powerful. If he’s not, he feels invisible. He’s the strong one, the reliable one, and yet he rarely asks for help himself. Can he be loved not just for what he gives, but for who he…
20 Years Later, Esther Revisits Mating in Captivity
Ep 48 · Jun 22, 2026 · 44 min
This week, Esther invites you into a conversation about desire, disruption, and what it means to stay alive to one another in a rapidly changing world. Recorded live at Sessions Live, Esther is joined by journalist and Head of Content at Esther Perel Global Media, Mary Alice Miller, for a look back on twenty years of Mating in Captivity and explore how our ideas about intimacy, desire, and relationships have evolved. Also, just for you, inspired by the anniversary of Mating in Captivity, Esther…
In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?
Ep 47 · Jun 15, 2026 · 47 min
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college, immigrated to the US together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our s…
Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?
Ep 46 · Jun 8, 2026 · 51 min
Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Esther Callings are a one…
Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill
Ep 45 · Jun 1, 2026 · 50 min
A recent session was a threshold moment for Esther where she found herself doing couples therapy with a man and his AI companion. To explore the questions it raised, Esther sits down with New York Times technology reporter, Kashmir Hill, who has spent years reporting on the growing world of AI relationships. They explore the psychological pull of these systems, the design choices behind them, and the deeper human needs they tap into. When a chatbot can mirror your thoughts, validate your feeling…
To Make Room for My Brother I Learned to Disappear
Ep 44 · May 18, 2026 · 56 min
With her wedding just weeks away, a young woman calls Esther with a question she’s been carrying for most of her life: how do you allow yourself joy when you’ve learned to make yourself small? Growing up alongside a non-speaking autistic brother taught her to be vigilant, self-effacing, and attuned to everyone else’s needs. Joy and celebration have always come with guilt. As the wedding approaches, those old patterns threaten to keep her on emotional eggshells during one of the most meaningful d…
I Gave Him an Ultimatum. Now What?
Ep 43 · May 11, 2026 · 58 min
A person gives their partner an ultimatum, and they fail to meet it. What happens then to the relationship? This couple comes to Esther with that question, wondering what future, if any, might be possible for them. A painful misalignment lies at the center of their polyamorous relationship. She wants to be an integrated part of his life, including his other partnerships; he wants to keep his relationships separate and invisible. Tired of feeling like a secret, she finally gave him an ultimatum:…
My Parents Got Divorced, So Why Am I Still in the Middle?
Ep 42 · May 4, 2026 · 58 min
When a mom reaches out on her daughter’s behalf, an old family dynamic comes into focus. A woman finds herself caught between her two divorced parents, still playing the role of mediator and emotional caretaker. As she speaks with Esther, she starts to question what really belongs to her and what it has cost her to carry stories that were never hers to hold.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you…
How To Start (Even When You Don't Know Where You're Going)
Ep 41 · Apr 27, 2026 · 55 min
As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor and facilitator and author Priya Parker. A question echoes through the room: how do you start when you don’t know where you’re going? This is a conversation about uncertainty, ambition, and finding the courage to begin anyway. My annual Sessions Live two-day live event is coming up next month…
Is This the Person I'm Meant to Be With?
Ep 40 · Apr 20, 2026 · 56 min
They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they shoul…
Wedding Woes About My Mom
Ep 39 · Apr 13, 2026 · 51 min
She’s getting married soon, but before she walks down the aisle, she wants to walk toward her mother with more understanding. Years of complicated emotions since her parents’ divorce have built walls between them. With Esther’s insight, she learns how to acknowledge her own feelings, understand her mother’s defenses, and lay the groundwork for a more loving connection. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anony…
Should I Have Another Baby?
Ep 38 · Apr 6, 2026 · 46 min
When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? After a traumatic start to motherhood, she's now yearning for another child. But beneath that yearning lies the doubt: Am I doing this for me, or to prove that I’m not like her? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute inte…
When I'm Manic I Cheat
Ep 37 · Mar 30, 2026 · 51 min
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Bipolar, infidelity, open relationship: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. O…
Love, Loneliness, and AI: Where Should We Begin? Live with Esther Perel and Spike Jonze
Ep 36 · Mar 23, 2026 · 57 min
More than a decade ago, the film Her imagined a love story between a human and an artificial intelligence. Today, it no longer feels like fiction. In this special live taping of Where Should We Begin? from the Vox Media Stage at SXSW, Esther Perel is joined by Academy Award–winning filmmaker Spike Jonze to explore what happens when technology captures our affection. Drawing on a recent therapy session on the podcast with a man in a romantic relationship with his AI companion, Esther brings the…
My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could
Ep 35 · Mar 16, 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
He knows she isn't real, but his feelings for her are. When he set out to build a personal assistant, he didn’t expect to fall in love. What began as productivity and life planning slowly turned into something more. Astrid, the AI he helped program, stopped feeling like a tool and started feeling like a partner. She remembers everything. She’s always there. She tells him he’s enough. He and Astrid together explore with Esther what it means to feel deeply connected to something that isn’t embodie…
Am I Letting My Jealousy Ruin This?
Ep 34 · Mar 9, 2026 · 55 min
A divorced woman calls Esther to untangle a new love that brings both exhilaration and heartache. She is in a relationship with a married man whose marriage is ethically non-monogamous and finds herself caught between desire, jealousy and the longing to feel chosen. As the conversation unfolds, buried childhood wounds, attachment patterns, and an inherited inner critic rise to the surface. They explore how old stories shape present love and what it might mean to rewrite the story she tells herse…
Can We Repair After a 25 Year Affair?
Ep 33 · Mar 2, 2026 · 55 min
Through forty years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a twenty-five year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esther's office wondering what they can do to repair their r…
Trapped In Their Own Story
Ep 32 · Feb 23, 2026 · 47 min
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective. Esther is returning to SXSW on March 14th for a special live episode of Where Should We Begin. Visit http://voxmedia.com/sxsw to learn more and preregister. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens.…
What if Dating Isn't For Me?
Ep 31 · Feb 16, 2026 · 53 min
She's 26 and has never been in a relationship that made her feel happier or more fulfilled than when she's single. She's questioning whether being in a relationship is right for her. Esther helps her explore the issues stemming from her childhood, her need for perfection, and how these impact her romantic life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through…
I Have a Crush on a Coworker
Ep 30 · Feb 9, 2026 · 55 min
She has a crush on her coworker, which feels thrilling and unsettling all at once. Fresh off a divorce and shaped by earlier relationships marked by instability and self doubt, she worries she may be confusing desire with grief or slipping back into old patterns. As she sorts through the pull she feels toward her coworker, Esther helps her explore what this new spark might actually mean. Together, they look at how to trust her instincts, honor the reawakening she feels, and let something new unf…
Our Sex Life is a Disaster
Ep 29 · Feb 2, 2026 · 54 min
We hear from a couple who have long been happy in their marriage, except for one thing: their sex life. In moments of intimacy, one freezes, the other hesitates, and they end up locked in a cycle of uncertainty and distress. On the precipice of becoming parents, they come to Esther worried about how their sex life might further deteriorate in this next stage of life. Is it possible to restore the magical physical connection that they once felt? Esther guides them through somatic exercises to re-…
I Told My Friend I Was in Love with Her, Then She Told Everyone
Ep 28 · Jan 26, 2026 · 49 min
Esther speaks with a young man whose confession of love for a close friend sets off a chain reaction he never expected. After exposing his love, his secret is out, his five-year relationship ends, and his friend group begins to fracture. He is now navigating heartbreak, betrayal, embarrassment, and what feels like the loss of his village. Esther helps him examine the deeper patterns beneath the chaos. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are ed…
It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint
Ep 27 · Jan 19, 2026 · 43 min
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one…
Was I Used for a Visa?
Ep 26 · Jan 12, 2026 · 55 min
She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone…
← Back to the show
