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Every episode
The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya
30 episodes
We Finally Explain Art
Ep 279 · Aug 11, 2026 · 49 min
Art, to us beautiful biological women, is the residue produced when consciousness attempts to impose intelligibility upon the otherwise rudimentary foundation of existence. It's a beautiful and occasionally difficult transformation through which sensation, memory, and desire are alchemized into a new state of being that endeavors to comprehend reality. Art occupies that mythical space between revelation and perception, where the observer engages in an effort to fully grasp their brain's interpre…
Some Like It Hot & Flaky
Ep 278 · Aug 4, 2026 · 56 min
Hey there, homemakers: why serve your hungry brood another dreary, bare-faced supper when the smart modern cook can tuck beef, chicken, ham, veggie dogs, Cyclospora-laden lettuce, and even yesterday’s leftovers into a snug little blanket of golden, buttery, feather-flaky pastry? With one gay whirl of the rolling pin, you can turn an ordinary Tuesday meal into an Atomic Age taste sensation that makes Junior clean his plate, Sis sit up straight, and your hard-working hubby forget the traffic, the…
Wear Your Virtue, Broadcast Your Bouquet with Trixie and Katya
Ep 277 · Jul 28, 2026 · 58 min
We here at Bald, LLC are proud to present: "The Essence of Consequence," our ultra-natural deodorant lovingly compounded from Icelandic aloe, pulverized cedar bark, ceremonial Scottish peat, and the pollen from downtown Los Angeles sidewalk dandelions. We take this proprietary blend and strain it through a used pair of nylons from our 2022 live tour, and we do it all without a single vulgar ingredient proven to work in any way whatsoever, as ethics can't scientifically prevent perspiration or od…
The Magic of Movements with Trixie and Katya
Ep 276 · Jul 21, 2026 · 1 hr 1 min
Across the porcelain provinces of our human experience, each soul leaves behind its own small testament; some solemn and substantial, with others fleeting as a whispered flush under the gentle glow from a nightlight. There are movements of grandeur, movements of haste, movements that arrive with operatic thunder. And then there are those shy little passages that scarcely trouble the waters below. The majesty of these movements is that all belong to the same mysterious intestinal symphony called…
Commuter? I Hardly Know Her! with Trixie and Katya
Ep 275 · Jul 14, 2026 · 53 min
The City of Los Angeles, in the full radiance of its civic wisdom and an ambition matched only by its bewildering infrastructure, proudly announces the inauguration of a new subway line connecting the private residence of Trixie Mattel to a long-abandoned shopping mall near MacArthur Park. Conceived without regard for ridership, urban necessity, fiscal prudence, or the travel needs of any other living person, this gleaming subterranean artery shall deliver Ms. Mattel from her front door to the s…
Maria Bamford Can Bomb Anywhere, So Why Drive? with Trixie
Ep 274 · Jul 7, 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
Once upon a time in a magical far-off land, Trixie Mattel, the undisputed Royal Duchess of Drag, believed herself to be best friends with Maria Bamford, the realm's undeniable Queen of Comedy. Having followed her through every enchanted television program and neighborhood comedy special, the parasocial relationship grew and grew like a magical beanstalk. Although Trixie had adored her from afar for twenty years, the two had never met until fate summoned them to a mystical Burbank podcast studio,…
Ten Queens, Five Suitcases, No Dignity: All Stars Season 2 with Trixie and Katya
Ep 273 · Jun 30, 2026 · 1 hr 17 min
Dim the lights, dear podcast friends, and settle in for a delightful tale. In a world where no cohesive thought process exists for long, two drag queens sat before their microphones in a Pepto-Bismol-hued studio and caused such merry confusion that even the producer could not help but guffaw. In this colorful void, the queens told their listeners about a secret Patreon kingdom filled with bonus tales, extra chatter, and all manner of delightful nonsense for their most loyal subjects. Before long…
Robby Hoffman is Aggressively Kind with Trixie
Ep 272 · Jun 23, 2026 · 56 min
Once upon a Silver Lake lanai, beneath a moon so bright it seemed personally sponsored by comradery and friendship, Dame Trixie Mattel met Emmy-nominated comedian and actor Robby Hoffman, and before the iced drinks could sweat through their cocktail napkins, a legendary best-friendship was born. In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, Trixie sits down with Robby to trace the wildly improbable, yet deeply hilarious road from having almost nothing but nerve, humor, and cockroaches, to becom…
A Ventriloquist Love Affair with Trixie and Katya
Ep 271 · Jun 16, 2026 · 1 hr 4 min
Take notice, patrons of both the curious and mechanically marvelous! Two celebrated drag-queen automatons seated in comfy chairs, shall speak herein for approximately one hour via the mysterious ventriloquial arts! These painted wooden belles, done up in theatrical fashion, shall hold forth upon their recent engagements as musical jockeys of the gramophone disc, hospital patients for grievous intestinal obstructions, and those who dine on Mexican folded tortillas and sweetened frozen cream in th…
"You Smell Like Hospital" with Trixie and Katya
Ep 270 · Jun 9, 2026 · 1 hr 13 min
Upon the pale and trembling threshold of a Beverly Hills hospital bed, where machines blinked like tiny frigid stars and the kingdom of Katya's body had been besieged by a cruel and venomous gastrointestinal blockade, our weary hero lay suspended between breath and utter oblivion. Death itself dared to come near, draped in her midnight robes, whispering with a grave and ancient confidence that the final curtain was about to fall. But from the ash-gray ruins of this digestive agony, from the tube…
Kelly Mantle Demands More Glamour and Less Clamor with Trixie
Ep 269 · Jun 2, 2026 · 56 min
Like a velvet-cloaked goth privateer, Kelly Mantle strode into the podcast studio this week and set her microphone ablaze as if forged by fire in a glamorous volcano. With every story, Kelly summoned tempests of danger, glittering betrayal, and show-business Madonna-tinged treasure until the walls trembled like the hull of a ship under cannon fire. Somewhere amidst the madness, the strange legend of Denise Richards lurks in from the shadows and ascends into celebrity myth. This episode left the…
Leland's How-To-Guide for Musical Excellence with Trixie
Ep 268 · May 26, 2026 · 50 min
To properly record and master this episode featuring acclaimed music producer and Drag Race Rusical songwriting and composing legend Leland, first establish a controlled conversational environment in which wit, glamour, and industry expertise operate at optimal levels. Once the guest is securely introduced, permit Leland to provide calibrated insight into the mechanics of songwriting, DJing, and music production, whilst Trixie supplies approved quantities of commentary, disruption, and theatrica…
Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie
Ep 267 · May 19, 2026 · 60 min
Once upon a time, today's exceptionally iridescent guest was twilight-blue and hidden behind a cloak of pastel azure. Now that cerulean shell has loosened, revealing shades of the full spectrum long hidden. Emerging like a butterfly from the secret cathedral of her cyan cocoon, Juno Birch arises splendid and majestic, opening her wings in a pageant of sunlit defiance and pride. Also, she tells a harrowing tale of getting food poisoning and sh*tting the bed. Follow Juno: @JunoBirch Need a website…
IMHO's Darby and Alexis Summon Charcuterie Spirits with Trixie
Ep 266 · May 12, 2026 · 59 min
The city of Burbank was sweating secrets, and somewhere beneath the flicker of a dying neon sign, IMHO: The Podcast's Darby Lynn Cartwright & Alexis Bevels were cooking up a scheme with Katya’s name written all over it. Their plan was simple, dirty, and dressed in bad lighting: remove Katya from the equation and slide into The Bald and the Beautiful like two dames with alibis and microphones. Trixie, alone in the studio, never saw the plot curling through the room like cigarette smoke in a cheap…
Courtney Act is Eminently Keen with Trixie and Katya
Ep 265 · May 5, 2026 · 1 hr 3 min
In today's class, myriad topics of interest and erudition will be covered, but first we shall crack open Miss Act's Rules of Grace and Refinement Vol. 1, beginning with the phrase, “Are you keen?” The word 'keen' derives its romantic force from the ancient adjective meaning 'eager' or 'interested'. By the twentieth century, however, especially in colloquial British vernacular, “keen on” had become an informal shorthand for affection and/or erotic preference, thereby avoiding the vulgarity and bl…
Thank you for Choosing Bald Airlines with Trixie and Katya
Ep 264 · Apr 28, 2026 · 51 min
Ladies and gentlemen, as we taxi to the gate we'd like to thank you for choosing Bald Airlines, where every seat is first class and includes botox, estate planning, legally-binding mortuary consultation, a yacht sommelier, and a complimentary Fabergé pelvic floor egg. Please take a moment to check your overhead bins for any personal belongings, and don't forget to take your live harpist with you as you deplane. On behalf of all of us here at Bald Airlines, we hope you’ll avoid the humiliation of…
Kristen Schaal and the Science of "Bricked" with Katya
Ep 263 · Apr 21, 2026 · 1 hr 9 min
According to the newly-published Schaal-Zamo Compendium of Physiological Sex Stuff, "Bricked" (or "Briqued" as it is colloquially known for females) is a coordinated bio-psycho-physiologic process involving cognition, limbic activation, involuntary nervous response, and extremely localized arousal of genital tissues, primarily with, but not limited to, the Pee Pee and the Vee Vee. In males, nitric oxide is released within the corpora cavernosa, causing smooth muscle relaxation, increased arteria…
Bobby and the Ice Queens with Trixie and Katya
Ep 262 · Apr 14, 2026 · 1 hr
Premiering this Summer off off off Broadway, it's "Bobby & the Ice Queens"! From a fired usher at "Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark" comes the glitter-drenched fever dream no sane theater critic saw coming: a disco-soaked, high-kicking spectacle about Robert Khennady Jr., a wealthy socialite from a famous family by day, a debaucherous nose-candy-sniffing creature by night! Bobby tears through the 70s and 80s in the first act with a blizzard of Studio 54 chaos, toilet-seat-snorting bedlam, and enoug…
An Open Letter to the Emmys with Trixie and Katya
Ep 261 · Apr 7, 2026 · 52 min
Dearest esteemed leadership of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. We respectfully and fervently request the honor of serving as presenters for the Lead Actress category during the primetime telecast of the 2027 Emmy Awards: roles for which we have physically, cosmetically, and emotionally been preparing for our entire lives. Given the extraordinary performances from Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback and Jean Smart in Hacks, we can scarcely imagine a greater privilege than to stand a…
A Triumph of Pure Delight with Trixie and Katya
Ep 260 · Mar 31, 2026 · 45 min
What you are about to hear is the absolute apex of what humanity has frequently referred to as "joy." The following sixty-ish minutes of audio and video are a glorious, overflowing symphony of happiness so immense it almost seems too dazzling for this earthly plane. It is delight at its most majestic and uncontained, brimming with an ecstatic brightness that will make every corner of your spirit feel lit from within with the glow of sparkling merriment. This episode is the very essence of glee i…
The Bride and the Betrothed with Trixie and Katya
Ep 259 · Mar 24, 2026 · 55 min
Ms. Trixie Mattel and Ms. Katya Zamo kindly request the distinguished honor of your presence at their most magnificent nuptial celebration, where the theme shall be "Baroque Techno Jurassic Gothic Cyborg Barbie Vampire." It will be held at the abandoned Hawthorne Plaza Mall in Hawthorne, CA, where the decor shall scream "gilded ruin of Baroque splendor where pink-hued creatures of the night have mated with cyborgs in orgiastic bliss." Guests are respectfully encouraged to appear in formal attire…
The Squirtle Spurtle with Trixie and Katya
Ep 258 · Mar 17, 2026 · 51 min
If you thought oatmeal recipes couldn't be sensual, you'd be dead wrong. Dim the lights, burn that bergamot arousal candle from your cousin's bachelorette party, and bring 1 cup of steel-cut oats to a slow, smoldering simmer in 4 cups of creamy, luscious whole milk. Add just a pinch of sea salt, and let the ingredients relax into a luscious, velvet-thick porridge so opulent it's no wonder this recipe won the World Porridge Making Championship. Once you achieve the ideal level of viscosity, stir…
A Motherforking Clusterfluff with Trixie and Katya
Ep 257 · Mar 10, 2026 · 43 min
Welcome back to another motherflocking, cockadoodle, son-of-a-biscuit episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, where our dolls yap their pretty little ash-offs about fame, folly, and every half-baked batshirt thought that ricochets around in their glamorous skull caverns. Listen as every ding-dang topic gets dragged through the glittery mud by two world-class gobshites armed with surgically-hilarious horseshirt opinions that make you think, "Holy shiitake mushroom she has a point." It is a full-th…
The Last Rites of Eternal Chaos with Trixie and Katya
Ep 256 · Mar 3, 2026 · 49 min
You are cordially invited to attend a most distinguished yet eminently fake wake in honor of Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, the undisputed queens of chaos, podcasts, and mirth. We shall convene in a chapel that smells faintly of Red Bull, stale makeup, and air conditioner refrigerant. Guests will enjoy a program of refined absurdities including a dramatic reading of Whitney Houston's 2001 BET Awards acceptance speech, a panel discussion on Taco Bell entitled, "Beans, Cheese, and Consequ…
This One Goes Out to All the Buttholes with Trixie and Katya
Ep 255 · Feb 24, 2026 · 58 min
I am the ring that no laurels adorn, A puckered little star at the edge of the form. No medals are pinned to my tireless skin, Yet I toil and labor each day, all from within. Through tempests of spice and fast food you regret, The burdens the rest of the body forgets. I clench through trials both noble and dire, An unsung sentinel forged in fire. But even the steadfast may weary and ache, May whisper, “Dear world, give me one gentle break”. A balm, a rest, a moment of grace, For I too am part of…
A Meditation on Fruit Cups and Resplendence with Trixie and Katya
Ep 254 · Feb 17, 2026 · 49 min
In the majestic kingdom of sleep where the heavens are transformed into a silken washhouse of torrential storms, the clouds are wrung dry by invisible hands while heinous blonde flamingos are carried off to a prison of unimaginable cruelty. As flocks of braying geese vanish and reappear as if by magic, I open my body into impossible splits and liquid arcs of dance so resplendent that the very air seems to blush at my elegance. Out of the ether appears Ana De Armas, her tender hand taking mine as…
The Bald and the Breakfast with Trixie and Katya
Ep 253 · Feb 10, 2026 · 46 min
Wake up and put on your nicest wiglet, Deborah! The sun is shining and it's time to head on down to The Bald & The Breakfast, Weho's newest morning hotspot where Trixie and Katya are slinging eggs, flipping griddles, and brioch-ing the eff out of French Toast! Sink your teeth into our signature dishes: cinnamon-glazed Benedict CumberBuns, Morning Wood-Smoked Turkey Sausage, and Katya's famous Maple Butter-covered Call Me By Your Toast! Need a jolt of caffeine? Our coffee is hot, strong, and brew…
A Freshly-Peeled Lease on Life with Trixie and Katya
Ep 252 · Feb 3, 2026 · 46 min
Dear Dr. Whiffenschtuppel, I write to you this day to express my deepest gratitude for changing my life. Long ago, I remember staring at my banana on the kitchen counter, bruised and drooping with despair; a perfect reflection of my life before Bocox. Every day felt soft, sad, and permanently past its prime. I meandered through my days burdened with shame and grief, wondering how something once so full of potential and promise could end up so utterly limp and forgotten; pushed to the back of the…
From Hooves to Haute with Trixie and Katya
Ep 251 · Jan 27, 2026 · 51 min
This week's episode is presented by Hollywood's premier foot feminization service, "From Hooves to Haute." With our patented treatment derived from centuries of Icelandic foot worship, our clinicians will transform your neglected feet from beige, flaky oatmeal buckets with fossilized Fritos for toenails into the epitome of luminous symmetry. We'll erase that eye-watering aroma of gangrene at low-tide and replace it with that of dried French lavender on a windowsill during Summer in Aix-en-Proven…
250 Episodes of Dolls Being Dolls with Trixie and Katya
Ep 250 · Jan 20, 2026 · 45 min
Our beloved listeners and wayward souls, we write to you from the glittery halls of memory, where two hundred and fifty episodes now flutter like sequined gowns on a brightly-lit stage of times past. Our hearts are heavy with laughter, saturated with love, and perfumed by a joyous feeling so thick you could spread it like Marmite on toast. Each episode was a bejeweled hour of gossip and grace, where movie reviews unfurled like velvet curtains in a grand cinema of the mind, and our voices learned…
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