This zine is a love letter to my partner C. Written between 2024 and 2026, it's about falling devastatingly in love, disorganized attachment, anxious preoccupied strategies, polyamory, materialist spirituality, becoming a squirter in my late 30s, sexual trauma, lichen sclerosus, extremely hot sex, gender liberation, switch4switch sexuality and mutual collaring, surrender, and loving with open hands. It's a zine about how real love and really good sex can change you. It's about the courage it takes to let yourself be changed.